We met on 4 April 2022 to celebrate two years of existence of the replacementchildforum.com and we were joined by replacement children and therapists in an intimate discussion in small groups on relationship issues which are due to the replacement child condition.
Among the issues raised by participants, were:
- the long-term repercussions of the earliest relationship, especially the mode of attachment which may be reenacted in adult life;
- some had felt that a parent was critical towards them, that they never could make up for the perfect lost child, and that this resulted in a loss of self-esteem;
- some found that the other parent or a relative or a friend had nurtured them and allowed for resilience;
- some tried to make up for the absence of a missing sibling or for the love and approval felt missing by a parent;
- some had looked, in turn, for a replacement in a partner, to make up for the missing sibling or a parent who was felt to be absent, since grieving or depressed;
- acknowledgement that being the partner of a replacement child can also be difficult;
- some evoked that survivor’s guilt and emotional burn-out had impacted on their relationships due to the replacement child condition;
- some tried to rescue their mother, to make her happy and found out they could not, and that their heightened sense of sensibility and sensitivity made them help others, also later in life, but that this needed to be balanced by their compassion for themselves and their finding their own way in life;
- the question, can I save myself and save my parent? was discussed and several felt that mothering mother, or being a parentified child, may have brought some to engage in a helping profession.
And you will find many other fascinating and encouraging, open-hearted warm exchanges in this video available here.
NEXT UP: How Can Counseling Help Adult Replacement Children?
On 20 April 2022, Lizette Baker will hold a webinar for her research project on the question: How Can Counselling Help Adult Replacement Children?
Click here to find out more and participate in the survey.
If you wish to join in the discussion at 12.00 Eastern Time (US), or 18.00 GMT (check your local time here: https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/), send us an email to Letters@replacementchildforum.com so that we can send you the Zoom link for the webinar.