Letter discussion with Alan #4

Below is the fourth in our series of letters in discussion with Alan.

Photo by - Gemma Evans

To recap:

This is a limited series of letters and responses between adult replacement child, Alan, and Replacement Child Forum co-founder and psychoanalyst Kristina Schellinski.

We thought our readers would be interested in this ongoing exchange about some specific issues facing Alan as a replacement child. These letter exchanges are not therapy sessions, or meant to replace professional counselling, but with Alan’s permission, we felt the insights expressed may be of help to others who may share some of the same concerns.

**If you are a professional therapist your additional insights concerning these letters would be greatly appreciated by our readers. Please write to us at letters@replacementchildforum.com.**

Letter #4 from Alan

How to stop the “old tapes” in my head?

Dear Kristina,

I am aware there is no drug to replace the inner work to overcome the Replacement Child Syndrome. However, as you also indicated, it greatly helps to use something that takes the edge off, in order to be focused and active in the required process.

Well, basically I understand what happened, but how do I go about changing those “old tapes” that are in my head?

I know those tapes are wrong and based on surviving a dysfunctional upbringing, but what do I replace those thoughts with after all this time?

Best regards, Alan

Dear Alan,

The tapes are part of our mental activity, but our mind is not expressing all who we are. Seek to connect with your deeper self, with your soul, by means of therapy, meditation and any creative activity. 

Your soul is unique, it is irreplaceable!

In a first step, express yourself, yes also your suffering in any way you can; that is a creative counterpart to destructive beginnings. And then repeat to yourself: I can step into my own life, I am an individual, unique and irreplaceable.

Kind regards,


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