A Second letter From Jo

Hi Kristina,

Thank you so much for your reply. 

I found out about the website and book purely through a Google search. I have had counseling on and off most of my adult life (and now I know why) and it is actually something that came up with my first ever counsellor whilst at university. I struggled to find my own way and make friends at uni and was painfully shy! It came up but then it was not followed up by myself.

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I have been having counselling again recently and this came up again. This time for some reason I kept thinking about it. The term ‘replacement child’ had always actually been part of my own vocabulary so I did a Google  search and here I found the Replacement Child Forum and the three of you who founded this: Judy Mandel, Rita Battat and you. 

I have followed this up in my counselling now and feel that I am on a journey of self-discovery.

Being a replacement child, has affected quite a few decisions in my life. 

I have never really pursued a career through lack of self-confidence. 

I studied psychology and then never went onto do anything with my degree. 

I never gave myself any credit for anything. I also feel I have followed people all my life and this has led to some friendships that were manipulative and unhealthy for a long time. 

I have always found it difficult to make friends and relationships and so they never develop beyond a certain point. I feel this is due to me not having a specific identity so I can’t go further … if that makes sense?

I am married and have two children now, however I am still in the role of ‘carer’, a role I adopted since as early was I can remember. I do not feel that this comes ‘naturally’ to me, I can feel quite resentful at times. I think that relates to that the fact that this was one of the ‘reasons’ I was born: to care for my mum, to help her through her grief.

I feel this is a long journey for me but am glad I am on it now.

Thanks again for replying 


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